Category Archives: activist girl

Closed Minds & Open Hearts

FB popped this “memory” up today. This division holds true in society, but I’ve felt an invasive touch of persecution too, in my own little world. It’s strange to apply it in this way, but it sadly fits. Here I go… 😌

My experiences are my truth and I am bound to them, gratefully. Keeping grace while defending the reality of my existence is not easy. That may be bit dramatic, but it can feel that way when being told your truth is anything but.

Sometimes I have to clench onto the “unreal” things I’ve experienced spiritually and emotionally since Jason died because others “reality” can’t understand it. They try to take it away and reduced it to nonsense because it doesn’t fit into their belief system, but that’s not really the challenge.

I can’t change another, but I don’t want to repeat their behavior by shutting them out. It was the same challenge with my husband. I think that’s the big test for someone claiming to keep an open mind.

We are all entitled to our thoughts; it’s about respecting another’s voice while knowing I can’t and won’t change my truth to fit their needs. I can stay true to me AND embrace those that don’t understand it. That’s it, the skill to master, the one that can make all the difference. I’m still working on it and thankful for the role models in my life that demonstrate it.

Immersion of beliefs can free caged minds, if we let them in. It’s where I am, open to what crosses my path, keeping a piece of what feels right to me and letting that which doesn’t roll by.

There is room in us all for the mysterious and the defined. The understood and the unknown. Our held beliefs as truth and the possibility there’s more than we know.

I am building my new house and without question the foundation will be stronger than ever. The wolves can huff and puff but this house won’t blow over again.

Have a blessed day; may you find something good in all the realities around you.


I’m gonna say it…

I’m not tapping into the artery of politics these days but I have to say…. I TOLD YOU SO.

For every oil spill you hear about assume there is 100 you don’t. They don’t know or they don’t want you to know, or merely current regulations don’t require them to report it… to anyone. For decades “small” spills have quietly happened as these corporations and their lackeys have become in the financial majority with the influencing vote and no intention of doing anything but keeping that status.

When they say small insignificant spills happen with “no” impact, only a mere 20 gallons or so, keep in mind that in WA if I discard a quart of car oil improperly, because of possible environmental hazards, I could get a huge fine and even jail time. There is nothing insignificant about crude oil in your soil, just ask a farmer. Or a worm.

One silver lining to my current day to day life is the absolute necessity to check out from the mundane drudgery of the political circus. The TV chaos. The anger. It’s all too much for me. I’m too tethered to an ethereal world of energy right now, and those surges of negativity and oppression, plutocracy and egocentric annihilation of those deemed lesser than by a holier-than-thou few is unbearable.

As a result, I’ve checked out. Despite that, however, a few current events have eeked into my bubble. You know; mass shootings, deadly (insert natural disasters here), threats of war, sex scandals, shock and awe. The headlines and the footnotes are more than I can manage, more than any of us should have to manage. Constant overwhelming surges of agony from all over the world. And this is all small stuff; merely specks that survived the sieve around my existence.

It’s important to note the big stuff that’s not getting through; the marketing of it all. The promotion and televised chaos of it all. The mismatched mangled incompetent and incomplete telling of it all. The declarations of blame before anyone knows what happened. This stuff is absent, it is not missed.

It is gibberish and nonsense that adds nothing to the quality of my life and quite clearly detracts; evidenced by a physical irritability that is intensely present when I hear minutes of (pick a news source) blathering on about a man and his dancing ponies. If they really wanted to stop him, they would talk about the people doing what’s right in the country and silence his name. Like a spoiled child, no attention is often the key to changing their behavior. But that’s not the industry objective, selling stories, that’s what they are there to do.

But I digress.

Today, I see a blurb about the Dakota pipeline. A cause I was very passionate about and resolute in its harmfulness. I am still inspired by the coming together of millions of global activists and ordinary people to challenge this corporate act of greed that trampled on the sacred lives of generations.

This pipeline was a travesty against humanity in many ways, the least of which was how they illegally (and successfully) battered, abused and maimed the civic minded protestors, going so far as to pass a law allowing protestors to be run over by a vehicle if they are in the road. Extraordinary people who came together and lived in extreme conditions for months and years to stop this potential environmental assault; and it all started with one woman’s will to protect her sons grave from being decimated.

Her call was heard around the world and it changed lives forever.

Previous leadership merely hit the pause button on the pipeline for proper research; something quickly removed by the successor. Private militia armed with weapons and dogs moved in and stood guard against unarmed citizens, driving them off their own land. The media said nothing.

Sometimes there was a mention here and there about a famous person who spoke out, maybe a nod that there’s was some hubbub at all. Nothing of the thousands of veterans who gathered to protect their native brethren, a promise they swore with honor to protect our countrymen and land against all enemies foreign and domestic. Or the thousands who marched in front of the White House, camping in the parks for days.

Ordinary people were compelled to preserve history, not repeat it. They stood peacefully against the tyranny and virtual slaughter of a people in our modern day. There was little mention of the tribes that gathered and stood together representing clans from coast to coast. Incredible ceremonies with thousands of strangers living communally in peace and with intent to stand for their rights to have clean water. Clean water for all of us. This was not a native experience, it was a human experience; joining people from all walks of life and all over the world.

It seemed the media didn’t deem these stories worth telling. I believe, it’s all part of the grand scheme of a terrorist regime – yes I called them terrorists. They certainly create a sense of terror in me. It’s not one man at the top, it’s a conglomerate of powers that set the agenda for their rule; which requires witless chaos and distraction so people don’t rise up or even realize they can. From the owners of media empires to the owners of political chiefs; they want us to think we are at their mercy… but please don’t forget, THEY are at ours.

Again, I digress. See how easy it happens!

For me the lowest of low was watching this new president stand at a podium on the new pipeline that was battled to the bitter end. Standing in front of oil cronies and angry white men he gloated about industry growth and oil futures and said he thought people might be upset. He thought someone might complain, but nope, not a peep. Everyone is happy with the new pipeline. With a dropped jaw and a stale tear I was sickened.

Unbelievable. Despicable. Disgusting. Immoral. This was our new leadership setting their agenda and those are the feelings it emoted, constantly choking from the foul taste of watching things our country has fought and died for being swept away like fast food crumbs off the shirt of a loudmouth tycoon.

In my current state of being I am trying to live without judgment. I am trying to let people be as they are because I was graciously gifted with the ability to let myself be how I am, in grief and transition, from moment to moment.

I was encouraged to allow the process and live things as they come, not worry about what should or shouldn’t be because there was no judgement. It was a liberating, life changing, philosophical gift.  I have been thrown onto a new path in my journey and it is not an easy road. Everyday is a new day and a new chance to be better for it.

When I encounter the idiocracy and detrimental absurdity of the going ons in the political world these days it immediately fills me with judgement and anger. As mentioned, this something I am trying to live without. But these are not ‘let them live their own life’ situations, people or problems; these are national and global crisis that will only be better if we make it happen. Alas, as is my life these day, rather than firing all my guns, I have instead made some key reflections.

One, same news different day. Other than players and places, very little has changed. I realize the last 123 days since Jason’s passing would likely have been filled with that constant negative energy had I not turned it off. Truth is, our life was like that before he died; whether caused by his emotional stress or my political ones (or everyday relationship stuff) it was ripe with negativity. Hence, my bubble. I need balance.

On a side note, about all the effort while little has seemingly changed; I was recently asked if it was worth it. “Wasting” my time on the political soap box I climbed on, when I could have been spending that time and energy on my now deceased husband. Beyond the utter shock of the question, I could only say of course it was worth it. I wanted to say I was inspired and motivated by a cause unlike ever before in my life. Jason was proud of me and encouraged my participation; from homemade Bernie Bling to becoming a delegate or creating my own protests. He may have rolled his eyes, but he helped me make my signs. He may have ignored the babble, but he helped me build the podium.

We shared similiar ideologies, although politics was not a conversation we often ventured into.  Bernie ignited my spirit and called on the activist within to get up and participate. True love doesn’t put out a fire in someone’s heart, it fans it. Jason fanned my flame. This was my journey, for all its ups and downs and I had the blessing to merge it for 15 years with his. I don’t regret a thing.

OK, number two, I still care. Very much. These things I fought against are still worth fighting for. Only I can’t do it the same way now. I have merely conceded to the people on the frontlines who can do what I cannot. I send them my will and hopes to carry into the many battles ahead. I have not surrendered the cause.

Three, this too shall pass, I can only hope sooner than later. Whatever the rhetoric is today, as we have seen over an over, it does not mean it will come to fruition. Out of the ashes of despair bloom beautiful flowers; and what is done can’t be undone. What I can do is try to create my little world in the way I want the whole world; full of love and dialogue, kindness and momentum towards positive things.

From where I am sitting, I see a big picture. I see legal action that started immediately finally getting it’s day in court. I see strangers helping strangers and pure energy flowing all around and through us. I hear the cries of people now feeling the consequences of the actions they did, or did not take when they had the chance. Becoming aware is a growing pain like any other; it hurts, and once done there is no going back. Life is like a magnet, in order to function properly there must be positivity and negativity; without that balance, there is no connection. It will take a connection to ourselves, each other and the planet to save us all. Sounds tough but all that is required to do it is the decision to do it, the rest comes quite naturally.

I will fight the good fight, love hard and sleep well. Today my good fight is this, tomorrow it may be simply doing what is expected of me. But whatever the battle, big or small, I will rise with a positive vision of the outcome, live authentically to accomplish my goals and speak my truth.

Think. Act. Rest. Repeat.



Sections of pipe sit at an Energy Transfer Partners LP construction site for the Sunoco Inc. Mariner East 2 natural gas liquids pipeline project near Morgantown, Pennsylvania, U.S. on Aug. 4, 2017. The Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection has issued four notices of violation after "inadvertent" spills of drilling fluids associated with horizontal directional drilling for the project. Photographer: Charles Mostoller/Bloomberg via Getty Images

January 9 2018, 12:38 p.m.



Steady, Aim, Fire

The last time I watched the news Jason and I were watching the hurricane over Florida. So saying I’m out of the loop is an understatement. I will say not being in the loop is a pleasant thing. I understand the benefits of keeping your head in the sand. But you can’t stay there.

The immediate angst and stress that overcomes me with any of the BS is too much. Everyday, but especially now. But the winds blow information and I have some ideas of the tragedies of late.

I find myself connecting with the tether of grief that stretches across the country and its too much. I can’t help but think how those people will deal with life now.

Do they have a chance to figure it out or if they don’t go to work tomorrow will they lose their job, their home, their health? I could have, if not for the kindness of friends and strangers. It’s something I haven’t thought before and it weighs heavy in my mind.

But… I have something to say about the #nra once again defending any act to protect a “right” to be armed and this mystery shooter.

You cannot use logic to solve the illogical. You cannot use reason to answer the unreasonable. You simply cannot fathom the unfathomable. From suicide to terrorism; you can never know the inner workings of another human if they don’t want you to and if in order to understand you have to enter those dark places, don’t. Many don’t survive those dark places. Knowing everything isn’t everything.

What you CAN do is recognize that the nra is an organization that thrives on you believing your weapons are at risk. What you CAN do is understand the policies are what they are because the people who support this organization are voted in time and again because they lobby under fear of losing your guns. Those politicians push through the legislation written by the NRA because they all have something to gain by it. Follow the money folks.

If the NRA cared about gun rights, they would make sure people used them safely. They would make sure those people that damaged the industries name and intent paid for their crimes against humanity. They would protest murder of innocent victims and shame the action. Instead, there’s been a boost in sales because people are worried their guns will be taken away.

The ONLY thing you can do is educate your circle of influence to vote these lobbying agencies and fear mongering corporate funded politicians OUT. STOP VOTING SOLELY ON PARTY, there’s too much corruption.

Congress is currently focusing on removing rights from women (because they care about the sanctity of life) while letting millions starve in Puerto Rico (because they owe money?). That is the agenda of the day I believe.

They defend THIS ONE right, arms, beyond all others; one that historically destroys, yet they take away five others that can heal. Let’s be real, it’s been more than 5 this year.

Despite all that is going on, they are insisting that ANOTHER massacre of citizens by a white American terrorist does not warrant a sensible discussion on safe gun legislation. If he was ethnic it would be about keeping those people out. Right? Does that seem reasonable to you? Are they representing YOUR priorities?

You’re fighting the wrong people. Congress wont do anything. These politicians are dying on the vine. Let them wither, replace them wisely. If there’s one thing we’ve learned this year, it’s that we don’t need our leaders to make changes that WE as a nation want. WE have enough power to force actions through other means. Generally monetary.

Cancel your membership with the NRA. Write your gun manufacturers to force it. Walmart changed the nation with its influence, for good and bad. Put the pressure on the industry. Vote for safe gun use and national sales tracking of arms AND AMMO. Just because someone has no record and no history doesn’t mean anything. And just because they do, doesn’t either. There’s another way.

Personally, I think guns are not worth much without the bullets. Want to fire that gun? Sorry bullets are under lock and key, we’ll need information and money to give you one. ONE. I remember the shooting lesson if you can’t do it in one shot you’re not doing it right. Need 500 bullets? I disagree. Sorry, you don’t.

Justice must be served; those that did it, defend it and legislate ways for it happen again must be stopped. Im just so furious these people who call themselves leaders continue to put our citizens in grave harm. ALL OF US. I hope you are too.

Let’s do something about it, even if it’s just talk. But not today, I’m wiped out now.


Activist Girl, it’s not just the name of a lipstick.

I’m what some might call a conspiracy theorist instinctually, although lately it’s seems I’m more of a realist. I once was a moderately informed and uninspired voter, but that changed in the fall of 2015.  I was suddenly inspired to be involved and outspoken about the decisions we are allowing our politicians, and those that support them, to make on our behalf. I felt supported and connected like never before, so much so it has led to this, a humble online journal.

Forced off Facebook by family refusing to reconcile pictures of puppies, flowers and silly comments on the lighter side of life with the pounding, gut wrenching, mind blowing day to day activities of our nations leadership of late. The dichotomy of posts was too much for some and eventually became too much for me.

Information overload… the great time suck.

Truth is, I was blindsided by a visceral response to the darker side of humanity that has come to surface lately; specifically images from Charlottesville. At that moment a spark was lit and I found myself writing more. Poems, stories, notes and now blogs. So why  not… as with most things in the last year, “I’m so mad I made a…” add website to the list. I’m hoping it will be more about healing than anything. Here’s to some cathartic ramblings!


Imagine the sound of boots,

only passing by the pure.

If there’s a mix or half breed;

it is doomed for sure.

Battles have been fought and won, but the losers cling to bloodlines.

It’s not your children they are after; it’s your beloved canines.

A kick on the door,

a yelp and a holler;

your dog is ripped away.

Taken outside beaten

and battered;

a pain you can’t convey.

Your beloved Fido is gone,

taken by someone who hated;

if only you knew

how bad it could be,

you surely wouldn’t have waited.

You might have paid attention

to all the things that seemed so strange;

rather than ignore the signs

of messages deranged.

All the news was “fake”,

it didn’t really matter;

until the day

they kicked in the door

and your life was shattered.

If all the dogs that were not pure

were taken and destroyed;

the outrage would be immeasurable,

with no way to fill the void.

Most folks would scream and cry,

battle with all their might,

they surely would not go

“calmly into the night”.

You’d rage with fire,

sticks and fists;

whatever came to reach,

because you know the history and the evil that they preach.

There’s a movement rising,

against our psyche and perception;

but it’s something you can’t see

when you look the other direction.

So while we ponder whose to blame

on “many sides” today,

don’t forget the values

of our beloved USA.

We will rage against wrongs

across all land and sea;

we fight for freedom, life and justice;

we fight for democracy.

In this battle there is no room

for tolerance of hate;

and warriors are needed to hold the front lines

while the rest of us debate.

So be it pets or people;

whomever you shall protect,

be grateful for the warriors

who never shall defect.

In uniform or humble garb,

their hearts remain the same:

they prepare to battle hatred

and for that they have no shame.

*inspired by ANITFA vs. the Supremacists at Charleston Civil Protests, August 12th, 2017*