I changed my name today.

Just walked in and did it.

It needed to happen.

I called Jason’s daughter first to let her know of my plan. I wanted to be sure she knew she will always be my family. She gave me love and said someday she would be married and change her name too. Family is what you make it, not who shares your name.

It is yet another day that I will lay my head down a different person than when I awoke.

Hi, I’m Terra Nicolle, it’s nice to meet you.

Now a widow, my married name isn’t who I am anymore. My maiden name isn’t either, that was a long time ago. I couldn’t really move forward being tagged by the past. I’m also feeling at this point that I belong to no man; neither my father nor a husband. I am an independent woman. So I decided to use my middle name as my last name; with a tweak.

Part of this process was to search for history and meaning of names, because I’m curious about that kind of stuff. That’s when I discovered the Kabalarians. They believe in a mathematical calculation of your name to determine if it can help or hinder your ability to fulfill your destiny which is based on your day of birth. Fascinating.

I’d never heard of them before, so of course I promptly started my complimentary name report, followed up by a casual free phone consultation with a lovely older lady in Vancouver Canada. It’s a small group of followers I think, but I figure I’ll take all the insight I can get.

Turns out, the picture painted of me was pretty spot on; highs and lows, ins and outs. I entered various names of my past; time and again the results resembled who I was at that point. Then I got to Nicole, my possible new last name. It was quite clear, no, no, no. The forecast was a dismal image of a life unsatisfied.

So I played with the spelling; after all each letter has a numerical value that changes its outcome. I tried using a Y, a K, even both; I mean how many ways can you spell Nicole? Turns out quite a few and none of the results were good.

These people may not dictate my identity, but they had my attention. After many variations, I tried an extra “L” and that was it. Nicolle. Nee-coal-l (ooh Lala). They suggested it brings balance and stability needed to be fulfill my destiny. It seemed right. It felt right. So hey, “what the L”.

That was the clerks line at the courthouse when I mentioned the numerological inspiration for adding the letter. I stopped by for information and a court date, but he said the judge can do it now. There was no hesitation on my part; bing bam boom, gavel down, paper stamped and walla.

Hello me.