Today it occurred to me that the moment I realized yesterday was two months, was THE MOMENT (or close enough). Same time I found him. I was at a register and the receipt wasn’t printing. I was waiting and boom saw the calendar and whomp in the head. Knees buckled. Instantly nauseous. I tried to hold it together while they figured out the glitch (Jason I’m sure), it took a few minutes. Today I checked, it was printed at 4:20, I mean come on.
It just left me feeling sick. Sick he’s gone. Sick life is better in so many ways after he’s gone. Sick that I didn’t remember it was yesterday. Like he had to thump me and say “don’t forget”. Because I forgot. How could I do that? How could I? It’s just so awful.
Time is tediously slow and brutally fast all in the same moment.
I miss you so much puddin’.
I’ve been wanting to go make an art piece for him. I think the time is now.