I had a quick question for dad, iPad related, as he is the family expert. A retired dentist and Apple officionado since the beginning; he is a loving example of creating the life you want for yourself.
But this isn’t about dad; a man I loved deeply as a child, though my memories are of independent weekends, trips and lunar eclipses (we’ve seen several together). No, it’s about something I said to him in the text I just wrote.
I’m full of love for this perfectly imperfect man and over the years we’ve resonated closely and have a similar groove. One of my favorite memories is when he pointed up to the sliver of a moon when I was perhaps 11 or so, and leaned in to say “That’s what the moon looked like the day you were born”. I had that moon tattooed on my body; learn more in my upcoming story: Research the artist; a guide to avoiding bad tattoos.
Ok, the text, it is why I’m here after all. Why all this for a text? It wasn’t about dad, but Dads’ don’t get much cred so I guess that’s coming up for me here. I love him so much! As he’s gotten older, and perhaps having little kids again later in life, he learned to say that he loved me more often. I never doubted it, but that was cool. I have special made-up songs for him, smells that make me think of him and traits I love about myself that I get from him.
Though this isn’t about mom either, I think I need to acknowledge that I couldn’t have said this, like this, if mom were alive. Losing her recently has created a massive shift in myself. It’s as if she gave me the ability to live again, I was reborn. Her love is the gift of life. She was a wonderful mother and a difficult woman; her force of nature and foresight kind of dominated, well, everything.
She loved dad too, in the ways she knew how, but she never seemed to resolve the loss. She seemed to treat my love like pie, if someone else got a slice it left less for her. So I filtered myself to something neutral; actually it was only recently I understood how much… and what that did to me.
I never did find a space to speak like this with her, but I did learn to hold my own space better. And now, these invisible barriers are gone. Here again, is me, using that voice in ways I’ve never known possible before. I love my mother very much, I’m grateful for her lessons and love; we are inextricably bound and I am better for it. But this isn’t about mom.
I’m sure that everything above contributes to the text I sent. A message I imagine would be a wonderful thing to read about your child, and it was a wonderful thing to find myself writing about myself. Its been a hard, deep, profound couple of years. It’s because of my parents, as much as anything, that I can be who I am now, and who I am now is as close as I’ve ever been to the child I was… and that’s amazing.
I wish you all a holiday of gratitude and the deliciousness of life; and remind you that’s it’s available to you every day of the year if you sit down and invite it to your table… even if only by text.
… I’m doing great. I’ve had an amazing week+ can’t stop smiling. Lots of good stuff happening all around. I feel like I stepped out of survival mode into something else and all the things I’ve been manifesting were like “hello… we’ve been waiting for you!” It’s a little much even but I’m not complaining. Actually dad I have absolutely nothing to complain about and its quite a feeling 😘 love you!
Oh… and had a detailed checkup with wonderful health news and reasonable solutions to things that can be better. ❤️