I just saw the dress I wore at Jason‘s burial washed and folded.
I wasn’t prepared for that.
It still had that day on it.
His dirt.
Our goodbye.
I didn’t put it in the basket,
but it was there and it was washed.
Now it’s clean and new.
But I’m not.
Not even close.
I miss your face.
I’ve missed your smile even longer.
For 15 years we had our special ways to show each other love.
Even on the bad days.
Days don’t get much worse than this.
I know you will feel all my love today.
More love all around than you’ve ever imagined.
But it was your love for yourself that changed our lives the most.
May you have peace in the beyond.
I am a person who receives great joy in giving; particularly through food. Giving is far easier than receiving. I am overwhelmed. The loss, the found, the fear and the hope… all of it. What is pouring out of you is filling my heart with more than it knows how to hold, and it pours out of me in buckets of tears. While I am in an unreal place, the daunting weight of reality still sits in front of the next door that I have to walk through. All of these words and actions to support me are just…. I can’t even say. I humbly accept it all; from coffee, to cake, to greens of all kinds. This link is a gift of time, something of unmeasurable worth. If all you have is a reason to laugh or a shoulder to cry on, I’ll take it. And I honor it all. And I treasure it all. And I will spend my forever paying it forward. Thank you, all of you. I know that beyond his darkness, Jason loved me deeply and truly. I know that he wanted nothing but the best for me and tragically he wouldn’t take another path to set us free from his demons. I am sick with the thought. Mercy and grace are upon him.
In 2002 Jason and I reconnected after 12 years of doing our thing. He walked through my door and it was thunder bolts and lightening, legendary sparks. That day is marked in my calendar as “the first day of the rest of my life”. 3 years later we were married on that day. Here we are again, 12 years later and I find myself experience another first day of the rest of my life. It’s only fitting the forecast is thunder and lightening.
I will honor your memory for all my days.
RIP my beloved. There will never be another love like ours.
July 9, 1973 – September 10, 2017
Todays soup du jour tasted great and it sure was pretty.
It was a very silky soup offering cheesy goodness and flavors with an unexpected complexity. It reminded me of Welsh rarebit. The crispy, fresh and savory toppings added a satisfying texture.
A service company just took me for a sucker.
Yep. I shoulda known.
Got drawn into something I’ve turned away from scores of times.
But it caught me.
They used a bigger better free trial as bait.
HA!
Scoff.
Snort.
Yep. I shoulda known.
It’s not entirely clear who rescued whom, but life is certainly better for us all.
Jörge, Timmy and Jerry. My boys.
I’m what some might call a conspiracy theorist instinctually, although lately it’s seems I’m more of a realist. I once was a moderately informed and uninspired voter, but that changed in the fall of 2015. I was suddenly inspired to be involved and outspoken about the decisions we are allowing our politicians, and those that support them, to make on our behalf. I felt supported and connected like never before, so much so it has led to this, a humble online journal.
Forced off Facebook by family refusing to reconcile pictures of puppies, flowers and silly comments on the lighter side of life with the pounding, gut wrenching, mind blowing day to day activities of our nations leadership of late. The dichotomy of posts was too much for some and eventually became too much for me.
Information overload… the great time suck.
Truth is, I was blindsided by a visceral response to the darker side of humanity that has come to surface lately; specifically images from Charlottesville. At that moment a spark was lit and I found myself writing more. Poems, stories, notes and now blogs. So why not… as with most things in the last year, “I’m so mad I made a…” add website to the list. I’m hoping it will be more about healing than anything. Here’s to some cathartic ramblings!
Fists in the air ~ Terra 2017
Artichokes and Abalone 